Show Me, Don't Tell Me
I have this column that comes out through UPI's Religion and Spirituality Forum every Wednesday (it's called "Roll Down Like Water" -- a reference to justice found in Amos). Tomorrow's column focuses on the U.S. role in the current conflict between Israel and Hezbollah. I call the United States to task for arming Israel and then issuing vacuous statements in support of a 'sustainable ceasefire'. Words are great (I'm glad we're at least calling for a ceasefire), but words not backed by actions are hypocritical at best and completely counter-productive at worst.
It made me think of a professor I had this past spring who wrote "show me, don't tell me" on students' papers when he thought they had slipped into making assertions rather than defending positions. The advice is valuable academically; I have found it indispensable personally.
A friend of mine is hurting right now. Someone he cares for deeply has let him down, and he doesn't know whether he can regain his trust in her or whether it's possible to repair their relationship. Of course, it's one of those particularly murky situations where she's a lovely woman who is just trying to work through her own pain, and he got caught up in it. It just happened; no one's really to blame. They're both suffering, and there's a good chance things won't heal in a way that allows them to move forward together.
As I try to support my friend (while keeping an appropriate distance -- something that can be particularly hard for me!) I see my professor's advice in sharp relief. Words are nice, but they mean little if not backed up by action. In this case, sentiment is worthless. Of course my friend loves this woman, and of course she loves him. But their ability to act out of love is a different matter all together. It is one thing to feel it and profess it; it is another entirely to live it.
The author of 1 John writes, "Little children, let us love, not in word or speech, but in truth and action" (1 John 3:18). I wish I could tell my friend what he should do to act out of love. I wish I could tell the woman who hurt him what she should do personify the love I know she feels for him.
At the end of the day, they have to be guided by their own hearts. But if scripture tells us anything, it is that love is sacrificial. Love puts the other first. I don't know what that means for the two of them in practice, but I hope they're open enough (and strong enough) to live the love they possess for one another. I can't think of anything harder, but I also can't think of anything else that honors their devotion to one another.
May they honor the peace they already possess.
Love,
Becky
It made me think of a professor I had this past spring who wrote "show me, don't tell me" on students' papers when he thought they had slipped into making assertions rather than defending positions. The advice is valuable academically; I have found it indispensable personally.
A friend of mine is hurting right now. Someone he cares for deeply has let him down, and he doesn't know whether he can regain his trust in her or whether it's possible to repair their relationship. Of course, it's one of those particularly murky situations where she's a lovely woman who is just trying to work through her own pain, and he got caught up in it. It just happened; no one's really to blame. They're both suffering, and there's a good chance things won't heal in a way that allows them to move forward together.
As I try to support my friend (while keeping an appropriate distance -- something that can be particularly hard for me!) I see my professor's advice in sharp relief. Words are nice, but they mean little if not backed up by action. In this case, sentiment is worthless. Of course my friend loves this woman, and of course she loves him. But their ability to act out of love is a different matter all together. It is one thing to feel it and profess it; it is another entirely to live it.
The author of 1 John writes, "Little children, let us love, not in word or speech, but in truth and action" (1 John 3:18). I wish I could tell my friend what he should do to act out of love. I wish I could tell the woman who hurt him what she should do personify the love I know she feels for him.
At the end of the day, they have to be guided by their own hearts. But if scripture tells us anything, it is that love is sacrificial. Love puts the other first. I don't know what that means for the two of them in practice, but I hope they're open enough (and strong enough) to live the love they possess for one another. I can't think of anything harder, but I also can't think of anything else that honors their devotion to one another.
May they honor the peace they already possess.
Love,
Becky
posted by Becky at 8/01/2006 10:46:00 AM
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