Resilience

Got a bit of bad news last night -- one of those out of the blue, didn't see it coming, completely blindsided moments where I left a conversation not knowing at all how the world looked so entirely differently within the span of a mere two hours. Not any huge drama (I'm making it sound bigger than it is), but more of a very serious, 'Huh? I thought I was done with this! How did I get back to this place?"

Began my devotional this morning by reading the next chapter from John Ortberg's If You Want to Walk on Water, You've Got to Get out of the Boat. Our Sunday School class in on chapter 5 this week, and it's about what you do when things don't go your way (Peter got out of the boat, was actually walking on the water, then he got scared and started to sink). Ortberg's point is that this happens to everyone: We think we're onto something great -- we have a new relationship, job, act of service, habit, whatever -- and it's going great. . . until something comes along and throws a wrench in the works. (I had to giggle when I started reading. Good thing I picked up this chapter today!).

Ortberg referenced a study of people who have experienced great trauma (POWs, hostages, concentration camp survivors), and noted that people who suffer trauma break into two categories: those who are defeated, and those who are resilient. Those defeated by trauma tend to die (these are pretty serious examples of trauma -- many of us probably just die a little inside). But those who are resilient grow stronger. They exhibit the following three traits that help them endure their trial and come out more capable on the other side:

• "Resilient people continually seek to reassert some command and control over their destiny rather than seeing themselves as passive victims."
• "Resilient people have a larger than usual capacity for what might be called moral courage -- for refusing to betray their values."
• "Resilient people find purpose and meaning in their suffering" (Ortberg, 97).

I can't control other people, but I can control how I treat them. I can control the presence or absence of peace I carry around in my heart. I can control the confidence and trust I possess that this situation, like others, will turn out in a way that opens us up for greater wholeness in the future. To loose that confidence, that peace, or the compassion that (hopefully) grounds my actions would be to betray my values. I could choose to let this situation pull me away from what I know to be true (and good), but I don't have to. Finally, I can see this moment as an opportunity -- the world just threw me a curve ball, and this is my chance to see if I can hit straight. I seem to be getting a lot of practice swinging at this particular curve ball over the past year, but that's okay. Hopefully my aim is improving each time!

So I'm going to practice my resilience the next few weeks and see how it works for me. Maybe if I can do it on a little disappointment like this one, I'll be in a better place to be resilient when a serious trauma comes my way. If anyone else is facing something rough right now, I hope you'll take some time and think about the ways you can practice resilience. The ancient desert father, Abba Anthony, offered followers three pieces of advice I find helpful: Always be aware of God's presence; always obey God's word; and wherever you find yourself -- do not easily leave. Dig in and gut it out. See what you learn about yourself and your strength in the process.

Love,

Becky